Jennifer Wilbanks

Breaking news (but not really breaking anymore) Here's a quick synopsis on America's newest moron, Jennifer Wilbanks.

Extremely buggy eyed woman gets cold feet over her impending wedding and leaves town. Only she doesn't just "leave town". No, she takes a freaking bus all the way from Georgia to Albuquerque. Only she doesn't just head out west, visit Vegas, and gamble for a couple of days. No, she makes a 911 call telling the dispatcher that she was kidnapped while jogging through some her affluent suburbian neighborhood.

Of course, her family has money, so this becomes the biggest deal on all the 24-hour news channels with nothing better to report. Everybody is talking about the buggy eyed woman who got kidnapped in Georgia. The town is up-in-arms. Her family is offering reward money. Its a constant sobfest.

Well then we find out that Jennifer Wilbanks is a lunatic. Well, maybe not a lunatic, but a liar and a creep. Apparently it's starting to come to light that her little trip was totally premeditated. She had been looking at bus schedules and setting aside some cash. Brilliant! Why is it that rich felons can never cover their tracks? And, if only she was poor this wouldn't be a big deal at all. Poor people go missing everyday!

I really don't care if she ditched her soon to be husband (and we thought she had cold feet before this ordeal!). If you're getting married and you can't go through with it, so be it, I guess you've got to do something . . . But when I start to hear about it, it's gone too far.

What really bothers me is how revered she became in her short stay in Albuquerque. She left there looking like a walking Albuquerque Police Department marketing model with all the APD apparel that she was wearing. Oh, the officers had the nicest things to say about her. "She needed help" and "She was just confused". Are you joking me!?!?! You'd think police officers would recognize how much of other's officers' time she wasted while pulling off this extravagant ruse.

I hope that they press charges. I hope the County Prosecutor sucks it up and charges her with something just to stick it to her. This is why it's too bad that we live in civilization now. What they should do is just make it so she's never allowed to get married. After all, if this is the way she's going to act when she's about to get married, I don't think she should be given that privilege.

It's my new law-making philosophy. Waste our time, get civil liberties stripped away. If Congress wasn't so embroiled in this Social Security battle I bet I could get them behind it too. I mean, jeez, it's just like what they're already doing to gay people.