Lazy Co-Worker Revisited

Alright, so this is border line unbelievable, but as always everything I say here is true. No more than 24 hours after I made the blog entry about my lazy co-workers than do I get an email from my boss! It says that "Joyce's" mid-year review is coming up and I've been one of the people selected to review her. I believe my initial reaction was "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodddddd!".

Well, now what in the hell do I do? Do I skip the Q&A and rating scales and simply provide a link to my blog about her? Do I delete the email and pretend I never saw it? Do I provide my boss with a list of reasons that "Joyce" is irresponsible and unprofessional? (You know, something like. . .)

• Feeling a little 'run-down'
  Moving much slower than originally anticipated
  Sleeping to fend off sickness
  Plumbing emergency
  Knee Hurts
  Forgot Report
  Sidetracked
  Cramps (of which kind, we were afraid to ask)
  Traffic
  Forgot my Laptop

I mean I MUST sugar coat the truth, right? If I tell my boss the truth then I'M going to be the @$$hole. Yeah I get selected to review someone with a higher position than me and I give her a bunch of two's and one's (out of 5). That'll look realistic and like I don't have a grudge, or some sort of mental jealousy thing. Things are getting interesting, that's for sure.

Today's Links

Every now and then I like to point you in the direction of other good stuff. This is where I like to make a listing of stuff I've come across that I think is great. Also, looks like I may have a guest blogger from time to time coming on here and stirring things up a little. Something to look forward to for sure. For now, onto today's links.

-- This is a great blog entry comparing people to poop. Much like those "what type of alcoholic drink am I?", "What Simpons character am I?" or "How am I?" quizzes.

-- Why did the chicken cross the road? Celebrities answer the age old question!

-- The most disgusting advertisement that I've seen in quite a while!

Lazy Co-Workers

So have you ever worked with somebody so lazy that you've wanted to gouge their eyes out with a Papermate pen? If not, you should come work with me. I work in a very relaxed office environment. Our day runs from 8:30 to 5:00, but it's not like we're punching timecards or that we have a boss lording over us.

The reason I pick up on the lazy co-worker happenings is because I sit about 3 feet away from 2 other co-workers, one whom is lazy, the other who shares in my disgust. Let me share some insane stories. So this lazy co-worker . . . let's call her "Joyce" for anonymity's sake.

Well Joyce has many annoying habits that drive me and the co-worker who shares my disgust, for anonymity's sake lets call her Mrs. Kirby, insane. Joyce likes to mumble, butt-in to conversations that don't include her, argue about stupid things, not listen to our advice, and she doesn't have an extremely good grasp on the English Language. In short, Joyce sucks.

The most annoying thing about Joyce is that she doesn't find it necessary to show up to work on time. Now I don't mean that she hops in 10 minutes late each day. At least once a week she ambles in several hours late. I've worked here for four months now, and I'm quite sure that not one week has gone by without incident. Joyce rarely shows up before 9:00, and she sometimes shows up after 11:00. Mrs. Kirby and I began collecting the list of excuses she has offered up to explain her lateness each time. I assure you that these are not doctored, even though they seem extremely made up.

• Feeling a little 'run-down'
• Moving much slower than originally anticipated
• Sleeping to fend off sickness
• Plumbing emergency
• Knee Hurts
• Forgot Report
• Sidetracked
• Cramps (of which kind, we were afraid to ask)
• Traffic
• Forgot my Laptop

I mean come on! She's 32 years old! But do you know the most gut-wrenching, maddening part that makes me want to smash her over the head with a laptop? Everyday I leave at 5:00 (you know, because I bother to come in before 10:30). Joyce always stays late, but when I leave (ON TIME I remind you) I get a snotty look or a condescending remark like I'm sneaking out or something! It's insane. I just wondered if anyone else works with someone who has attributes like Joyce, and how they handle them.

Get More Traffic To Your Blog

Hey fellow bloggers. I didn't start this blog to become a total shill, but this is something pretty cool that I didn't know about until just recently. There's actually a site that lets you get more traffic to your blog by becoming a member and surfing other members blogs. Plus you find some other interesting blogs in the process. It's really a win-win.

75 Ways To Order a Pizza

This guy at the Conservative Legion wrote an absolutely hilarious post about 75 different ways to order a pizza. I haven't laughed out loud this many times since I read Come and Get It At Ponderosa. I listed some of my favorites below.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.

31. Ask to see a menu.

45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

67. Order term life insurance.

68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

Wrong Class

Imagine if the following chain of events happened to you. Have a little fun. Try to figure out where you would have given in and hit the road . The following is all true and unembellished. You couldn't make up stuff this good.

-- You sit down in class. (Yes, this was a tough step for some of us.)
-- Girls that you don't recognize are talking about homework that sounds strange and unfamiliar.
-- Someone next to you is copying notes that don't look like anything you've learned.
-- Your professor walks in . . . only it's NOT your professor.
-- You learn that you're sitting in a Chemistry class . . . you're not enrolled in any Chemistry classes.
-- You realize that it's 10 o'clock yet the class that you have in this room starts at 11.
-- "Your" professor hands out an exam.
-- You decide not to leave because you don't want to be "that guy".
-- You take the exam.
-- You turn it in, signing your name Mitch Casey (Here's pointing at you "Mitch").

LeBron

Well, it's official (even though it's not yet). The Cavs are going to miss the playoffs in catastrophic fashion. They've looked terrible since the all-star break. Nobody can make a jumper and the defenses all collapse on LeBron. Gooden and Z, our only two players who are at least mediocre, are both playing injured.

LeBron James' is going to demand a trade (maybe not this summer but he's bolting sometime in the next 365 days if the team is this big of a mess). It's looking increasingly impossible for any GM, be it Jim Paxson or whoever to get a real shooter (read: Michael Redd or even Ray Allen) to come to town, and the Cavs will surely dump 5 million on someone crappy like Dan Dickau. This team will still be just as bad without a true shooting threat, LeBron will leave, and all Cleveland fans are going to contemplate suicide.

That is, of course, until they go back to forgetting about and ignoring the Cavs like everyone was used to before The Chosen One came to town. He's going to go on to play for the Knicks or some other terrible team and The Cavs are going to be stuck with a bunch of middle of the road guys, or players past their prime, which always seems to happen. The Browns and Indians better be listening up and the both need to start hitting their strides here soon because Cleveland fans are going to need something to take their mind off the mess that is soon to be the Cleveland Cavaliers. Since they moved from Richfield maybe now we can call them the mistake by the lake.

Good Links

Not much time today, but thought I'd give anyone reading some interesting stuff to check-out.

Visit the most boring man in America.

Check out the crappiest blog in the world.

Hope you enjoy.

Supreme Court Says "No" to Surveillance By Private Company

Like a fine automobile, I can go from zero to outraged in about 5.6 seconds, here's yet another fine example. The Connecticut Supreme Court has ruled that a rental car company's policy of tracking customer speeds via GPS and issuing fines for exceeding 79 mph is illegal. Now before you jump on me, I think the State Supreme Court got this one RIGHT. My problem is with the people all around the blogosphere who are flipping out about this, taking the opposite view.

Yes, there's a large number of bloggers who believe that private companies should be permitted to engage in all types of surveillance. It's bad enough when the government does this crap on occasion, but at least they can claim that it's (well most of it anyways) in the best interests of providing society with safety and security!

You gotta be joking me! Avis and Budget have no right to track how fast drivers are going, fining them for going over a totally arbitrary speed that they setup! It's a money making ploy and the Supreme Court was right to shut them down. Next thing you know we're gonna have Sprint and AT&T setting up phone taps to catch murderers . . . Only they won't throw them in jail, they'll fine them a couple hundred bucks.

These surveillance issues are becoming increasing absurd. What cracks me up is the people who champion each and every one of them, who try to argue that they will improve safety, or quality of life. I've taken the initiative of creating a new slogan for our country. It's familiar but adjusted. Goes a little something like, "America . . . Home of the FREE! . . . Unless you want to park a trailer that residents deem an eyesore in your driveway, then we're going Gestapo on your ass."

At this rate I give it about 6 months until a full-of-themselves City Council decides that they are going to start legislating the type of curtains that residents can hang in their windows because nutjob residents are complaining that some of the neighborhood's less-than-skilled decorators are "bringing down their property value".

No Need to Click Here - I'm just claiming my feed at Feedster

Pope Dies

Well in case you've been in outer-space for the past week, this just in . . . The Pope passed away. Workman has some interesting takes on the selection process for the new Pope that he just posted as well. What kills me about this are all the insane Catholics that you see on the news crying in the streets.

I know it was The Pope and he was an important guy and all, but aren't we over reacting just a tad? I mean he was old! He'd lived a full life! He'd been very sick lately and had numerous health problems over the past several years. It's not like he died young or as a result of foul play. Plus, this is a religious thing! Isn't the thinking among these religious nutjobs that he'll be better off now because he's gone to a better place yadda, yadda, yadda?

But no, everybody's all "The Pope died! It's so sad! Let's make a pilgrimage to see his lifeless body. . .Boo-hoo-hoo this is so terrible." No! It's not terrible! He was old, he was dying, it was his time!!!

Let me be clear. I think Pope John Paul II was a great guy and did a lot for humanity as a whole. I understand being sad that such a good man has passed on and can no longer be here on Earth to do good. I just don't understand the total devastation that the news continues to display each and every night.

In the spirit of celebrating the Pope's life I'm including a link to The Pope and The Peep. This is a short clip that was put together by Craig West for a college project, and I think it's one of the greatest things I've ever seen. Make sure you've got your sound on.

Why People Don't Like You

Want to get a laugh at someone else's expense and make a co-worker self conscious? Email them this article from MSN telling them why co-workers don't like them.

School Walk-Out

A couple hundred Cuyahoga Falls students staged a walk-out the other day due to budget cuts and teacher layoffs. Genius moves all around on this one . . . By the administration for pulling teachers out of classes in the middle of the day to tell them that they didn't have jobs anymore (really classy). By the superintendent with the cheesy porno mustache for threatening students who had walked out with lockdown conditions if they didn't return to class immediately.

Reading about this guy immediately makes me think of the principal from "The Breakfast Club". Think of the great responses this guy could have gotten, "Hey buddy, we're not in the school, so lotsa harm your lockdown is gonna do to us. . . Also, nice 'stache" Or how about, "No, instead of putting up with your assinine rules and regulations I think I'll sit out here until you and the school board hand in your resignations. By the way, good job treating your employees with dignity and class." That one probably wouldn't have gone over really well, huh?

What I love about this is the students standing up for something that's actually important for a change. We've seen students whine and moan about dress codes, "illegal" searches, or even pay-to-play, and good for them, really, but this time they're actually standing up for something that matters. It kind of makes me wish I was in high school just so I could cause trouble for these morons that are in charge. Of course, then I think about it for 3 seconds, and no, I don't wish I was back in high school. If I had a kid who did something like this for a real reason like this I'd throw them a party, seriously. Should be fun to see if this entire school board has to resign before the community will consider passing a levy.

Beginning Blog

Alright, I did it. I didn't really want to do it, but I've started a blog. Why? I blame Brad. We get him to write a blog to entertain us regularly, and then, just because he happens to be taking 26 hours this quarter he refuses to update it on a regular basis.

Brad's lack of regular updates coupled with Bill Simmons' (the Sports Guy) lack of updates to his site before 2pm each day (well after lunch), and the lack of anything interesting at all on Bobcatattack (due to the off season) has started this. My goal is to entertain, providing regular insights into pop culture, and anything else that is currently going on that I deem interesting enough to write about. It's going to be like InterestingReading, only not as good, because let's face it, who's as funny as Brad?

Alright. Well I'm still figuring this thing out, so more to come soon . . . Hopefully along with links and some semblance of a profile.